robert ; take three

Wow, just when I think things can get any worse with me and Robert .. I tried to talk to him about things, and to see if he was still mad at me. I asked him if he was still mad at me, he said that it was all up to me. I tried to tell him that it wasn't my choice, it was up to him. He then had the balls to say that it was up to me because I'm the problem . All I said to him was wow .. He came back with "leave me alone. Your just plain stupid. I gave you a good friend and you fucked with it. Its your problem. Not mine." Wow ... really ? Can you say heart breaker </3
I started to cry just about instantly ... I am now officially done with his shit ...

robert ; take two

Me and Robert haven't talked since the other day when he said we shouldn't talk for a while. Well, I'm going to crack here soon and actually talk to him, casue there is just so much stuff that I need to talk to him about. I really could have used him there for me the other night ... But I'm scared that I will mess up our friendship even more ...

; August 10th 2011

So, I really need a new phone, and I'v been debating over a blackberry and a Iphone .. I don't know what one to get ! What do you guys think ?

Here's the thing about friends;
The ones that you don't expect to be there for you, will always be there for you, while the ones you think would be there for you no matter what, aren't there for you at all.

You will always make new friends, and the people who were meant to be your friends will stay with you til the end.

And some are only there to make you feel pain.

I haven't been sleeping very well lately .. I'v had so much on my mind with everyone & everything ! I hope I get a better sleep tomorrow night when William is over ... One more day !  

fam jam ; take two

So, I love it when my mom thinks my ex & I are just friends with benefits and then pretty much calls me a whore ... gotta love family right ?

William ; take two

Wow, how sad am I ? Break up with my boyfriend, week later I want him back hard core , like really ? Ugh .. so I was at his place and we were playing video games like we always used to and everything was pretty much the same. But at the same time, they were totally different. Before when he used to help me with it I would kiss him & thank him. When we were done playing before we would kiss and cuddle on the bed, but tonight, that's all I wanted. All I wanted was to lean over and kiss him. He made it very clear to me last night that things wouldn't happen between us again, and it actually kinda breaks my heart. Instead of leaving right after we were done playing, I went and layed down on his bed. He could tell something was wrong, and asked me over and over what was wrong. I didn't tell him, I couldn't tell him . I got up and left in tears, by the time I got home he had texted me and asked me what was wrong , and I still don't want to tell him . I don't know what to do ! Should I tell him when we dog sit my friends dog ?

music ; take one

I have always been a fan of music , but as I get older my view on music & my appreciation for it is changing as I grow. But there is one artist that will always have a spot in my heart ; Classified <3 Ever since my older brother introduced me to his music, I haven't been able to get enough of him. His music is real , truthful & it's just amazing in general ! I thought that I would share a song by him, it's the first song that I have ever heard by him, and I still listen to it to this day. It is very inspirational & reminds me to keep my head up <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVTZXA1sWdU

; August 9th 2011

So, last night I ended up talking to William about how I felt , and well, I got my answer as to what I should do. Back of and be friends. He told me straight up that things wouldn't happen with us again , unless I wanted something along the line of "friends with benefits" and I'm thinking , yeah, right !   So while I was doing my cleaning today, instead of thinking, I just jammed out to my music and thought about me , and said screw everyone ! Life is good ....

; August 8th 2011

Today William & I went out to just kinda catch up and have some fun ! Things turned out to be great ! The only thing is , I think that I might be falling for him again :/  I don't know I should react ; should I tell him ? Should I go with how I feel ? Or push away my feelings in general ?
I did some serious cleaning today too, and I plan on doing more tomorrow, I hope I'll be able to figure things out tomorrow ..
It's getting late ..  I'm really enjoying this whole blog thing ! :) It's going to make my life a lot more .. drama free I'm thinkin !

fam jam ; take one

Like I said, I have a family and all , but it's a pretty confusing one ! I have two step brothers (23 & 16) , a step sister (15) , a half brother (6) and another little brother on the way ! It's crazy ! 23 doesn't live with us, he's just kinda all over the place , &  15 lives far away with her mother, 6 lives with my dad, and that's where the new one will be too . 16 use to live with me, until Easter Sunday and he decided to leave . Ever since he left, our house has been crazy .. my mom & stepdad aren't getting along at all, mom doesn't like what my stepdad is doing about the situation with 16 and I'm trying to get along with 16. I'm stuck in the middle between three people, and it sucks ! I try my very best to not be home because I just can't stand it here. And when I am home, I hide away in my room anyways. What I think is the hardest right now is the thought of my mom and stepdad separating . My mom & dad split up when I was only little, and my step dad has been around ever since I was little. He's the closest thing that I'v ever had to a real dad . I'm heart broken </3

William ; take one

Me and my Sobeys boys ... About three months ago I started dating this guy from work that I'll William. Anyways , the first little bit was great, until we started having sex, and it was my first time with anyone and after that it just seemed like that's all he ever wanted anymore . And whenever I tried to talk to him about it , or anything really, he wouldn't talk to me about anything. I just couldn't take it anymore so I ended it. Were still friends, were talking now and things are great ! We went out for supper today, and then for coffee, which he payed for. This was so nice, this is what I was looking for ! Why weren't things like this when we were dating ? We talked the whole time we were together and laughed the whole time ! I don't get it ...
Tomorrow were going out and then going back to play some video games, which is something that we always use to do. At the end pf the week he is also going to come with me and dog sit my friends dog.
I think my feelings are coming back for him ... what should I do !?

robert ; take one

So there are numerous boys that are in my life, well , most of them are men now . Either way, I have never really been the kind of girl that has a lot of girl friends, always friends that are boys, all through my life . So, when I finally got my job at Sobeys, of course I was all around with the guys. I gained a really good friend, who I'll call Robert , and  he was one of my first friends at work, and a very important part of my life . Anyways , as the two of us got closer, my feelings for him began to change. We had a few nights together over the years, but of course, they were drunkin' ones, which always ended in my heart being broken by the famous "last night shouldn't have happened" line. Well, I still stayed good friends with him, for what reason I couldn't tell you . So, about a week ago, we hooked up one night , yet again drunk, and yet again, I got screwed over in the end, but not the next day..  a week later. After that night I was so excited about the way that things ended , and being a girl,  I needed to talk to someone, and fast ! So, not have many girlfriends, I went to a good guy friend of mine and talked to him about it, well, I learned soon after that it was a mistake . He went and told people what happened between Robert and I , which of course got back to Robert. I was talking to him today , and I tried to explain myself, but it didn't work at all ... our conversion ended with him saying " I think we should stop talking for a while, I'm really hurt by all of this ,"

Wow !? Really ?! That's real grown up eh ? And hurt ? Really ? Well maybe he will now know what it feels like to be hurt by someone really close, maybe now he'll know what I went through with him . I think that I actually loved him , or did love him at least . I'm just about done with his shit. Every time I tried to get him to hang out with me, he would always cancel .. Screw him ..

my lifee ; in a nut shell

So, I'm pretty sure no one is going to read this anyways, but I just need a way to express myself without getting myself into trouble .
My life, is pretty normal, I have a family like everyone else, but things just aren't how they use to be, and I'm getting really sick of it , but there isn't a whole lot that I can do about it. And , just like every other girl, I have a crush, but I'm stating to think that this is way more then just any "crush" . And things with us are really starting to piss me off. I have a job , and plan on going to school next year.
There's a heck of a lot more to my life right now, but I have plans with my ex boyfriend ... that's not weird or anything ? Right ?